sometimes i have doubts.

don’t we all?

i worry. am i okay? is my family okay? money. health. relationships.

i am a worry-wart. i admit it. and most of the time it gets the best of me, resulting to a heap on the floor, an angry mess, or some foul sort of word flying out of my mouth.

i worry about my relationship with the Lord. am i doing it right? was i really saved? do i really believe all of this?

tonight i was reading the blog of my mother’s dear cousin and read through the trials she faced this year as she lost her husband to a heart-attack. i wept, reading through her accounts from the day that he died in the cold winter through the spring and into the summer, all of her daily blogs full of the Lord’s grace upon her life. the way that she coped with his death, mourning and also celebrating the life that he had, all the while thanking the Lord.
it was incredible to read through. such evidence that the Lord is certainly alive and working and moving among us. in death and in life. He moves with purpose. He heals with immeasurable, un-bounding grace.

any doubts that i had at that moment, suddenly melted away. who cares if my car is falling apart? who cares that i don’t have a job, while certainly needing one?

all just things that are a drop in the bucket, compared to the abundance and fullness of life that the Lord brings.

we are not called to live comfortable lives. a lesson i must remind myself EVERYday and even a fight i went through with the Lord today, because sometimes i convince myself that i am not living a comfortable life. who am i kidding? as i sat there wallowing about my car going to shambles (okay, so the door wouldn’t open for a second, and the wind-shield is cracked), the Lord reminded me of how much i have to be grateful for. reminding me that my car runs perfectly fine, getting from point a to point b, but it was my pride that needed a bit of fine-tuning.

and to bring it all together tonight, i read this blog. and through the tears, i saw a glimpse of the bigger picture. those moments, just a brief second, when you can see the eternal view on things. sometimes that i rarely see, but so refreshing and breath-taking that it’s enough to change my attitude 180 degrees.

it’s not about me. and it has never been about me.


About sweet as pie.

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One Response to sometimes i have doubts.

  1. Jenna says:

    You are beautiful Briley Hayden. Absolutely beautiful. I am so thankful for your heart for the Lord and your dear friendship to me. I do not know what I would do without you, my precious one. 🙂 I am digging your blog. Keep it up.

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